Tea

Good morning, loves (because it's about fifteen after twelve in the morning).

In my abode I have several boxes of tea. Those would be: English Breakfast, a box of random teas, Vanilla Chai, French Vanilla, and Blueberry Green tea.

I see a problem here.

I'm out of Earl Grey. 

I would go and buy some, but like I said. It's much too early in the morning to go running around outside at this hour. EG is quite possibly my favourite tea (by that I mean it IS). How shall I go on without it? Of course, I've got about six hours or so until the sun rises, but I'll probably be asleep by then.

Tonight I didn't take my medication. Why? It wasn't accidental of course, but I wanted to see what it'd be like to go through a night un-medicated. Kind of a rash decision, I know, but I rather miss the early morning hours (by that I mean three in the morning).

I'm having trouble with image issues, but you can read about that on my other blog (bruises and bitemarks). 

My nails have been breaking. It took ever so long to grow them out!

As you can see, this is a rather boring post, so I'll stop it here.

Good morning,

Lady Grey.

School

Hello, all.

So today was my first day back in school.

It wasn't so horrid. In fact, it was rather good! I spend an awful amount of time in front of a computer screen, but that's alright. I met some lovely people, despite my aura that screams "I want to be alone".

But I enjoyed it. The bus ride is much too long for my liking, but I think I can deal with it. I'll miss the days where I could write all day long, but those are over now. I've only got my blessed weekends now.

As it seems, your lady is quite tired now.

Good night, loves.

Yours,

Lady Grey

Uniforms

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen (what an ironic word).

I've been terribly depressed since the night before my last post. Yesterday I began to feel better...until we all went to Walmart to buy pants. Not just any pants, mind you, uniform pants. Today I woke up sore all over from the walk I went on yesterday. Also today, I bought shirts (or rather father bought me shirts) from a uniform outfitter store. Navy, black and white. With the drab school logo.

So as you can tell, I feel completely stripped of my identity. Starting Wednesday the fifth I will be nothing more than a student a Mosley PLC high school. Wearing the same thing as everyone else with slight variation.

Now, normally I'd be perfectly happy about a uniform. If it had anything to do with plaid skirts, ties and sweater vests...or a sailor uniform. But alas, we live in America. Fashion lies elsewhere or in the past. School uniforms can be cute, but polo shirts will never look acceptable on anyone. Ever. If I'm not already, this school year will drive me mad. I'm sure of it.

Because my first day of school is tomorrow. Starting at nine o clock tomorrow morning I will be a student at Mosley PLC. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that, however, for I'd gotten rather used to sitting at home blogging all day.

But all ladies deserve an education. Of course, that includes me. I'll be forced (once again) to hide my pain and suffering from the outside world. By that I mean everyone.

I suppose I'll write again tomorrow after school. If I can remember, that is.

Until then,

Lady Grey

Depression

I’m going through a depressive phase,

I’m lost but I’ll find other ways,

I’m crying but I won't shed a tear,

As I suffer through these painful years.

~ Lady Grey

Good Morning.

Last night I found myself feeling very upset. Why? No particular reason. But I am certain that it will last a while. Depression is quite common for me, phases lasting anywhere from a few hours to several weeks. 

And today is no different. There is something bothering me, but I am not in a position to speak openly about it. Why? Because I have sworn to keep my damn mouth shut. People are listening. People are reading. People are watching. Watching my every movement, never letting me have a moment of peace.

All I want to do today is sleep, but alas. That is also not an option. Today I drew a few illustrations of my own grave, and several young ladies in various states of undress being stabbed through the stomach with swords. One is even a picture of a young lady committing suicide with one of said swords. Art usually helps me, but today I was only able to draw that which is grim and reflects how I feel on the inside.

I do not want to eat, I do not want to draw anymore, I do not wish to do anything. All I want is to sleep. I'd sleep forever if I could. But alas, that is yet another option that is not available at this given time. Father knows that I am upset, but I keep most of my suffering and pain and the reasons for this suffering and pain hidden inside me.

Last night I cried. A small part of me died a little too. I'm afraid that that death inside my very soul will spread to the rest of me, giving those who have hurt me the pleasure of stating "I hurt this girl. That was my plan all along".

For women such as myself should be seen and not heard. Her emotions are to be kept silent, and everyone will be none the wiser.

Love,

Lady Grey